Learning Good Judgment

“How does one learn good judgment? Experience. And how does one gain experience? Bad judgment.”

-Adam Kahane; Solving Tough Problems

As painful as it is true, I can’t help but smile at this statement. It’s no wonder most of us would rather not relive our teenage years.

Too often I find my clients beating themselves up. Too often I find that we link our mistakes too easily with being “a failure,” and all of the negative pictures that our minds draw for us. We don’t forgive ourselves. We become stuck, down, and unable to move in any meaningful way. Man! What a drag.

This thought is especially important for those who are trying something different, or new in their businesses, careers, or responsibilities. A reframe around gaining experience – as painful as it may be – is crucial.

Here are three questions I use with my clients to help with the reframing process:

1.What is the ultimate take away here? How did this experience serve me?
2.What would your wisest, inner-knowing self say about what happened? What guidance would you ask him or her for?
3.Reread acknowledgments you have received from your clients, co-workers, and mentors. What is it specifically that they see? Remind yourself of your greatest, natural talents.

Then take another step. It is only by learning – and making HUGE mistakes! – that we can really know what it is we need to know. And the more we do it, the more we’ve learned to love ourselves in the process.